E: Oh I’m definitely overthinking the future at the moment too! I’m currently writing my thesis, so that’s already a bunch of stress. But I’m also currently looking for an internship, so I’m having a lot of interviews with different media companies and I’m having to provide different assessments - so it’s quite a lot ! On top of that I’m looking for a potential new flat and am  on the lookout for a part-time job… I definitely am quite stressed ahahah 
 

What’s your favourite part of yourself that isn’t physical? 

J: One thing I like about me is that I don’t really hold grudges. I tend to let go of things quite easily or I don’t stay mad for too long. It kind of shows me when something really hurts because if I’m taking longer than usual to get over it, I know, okay clearly this hurt, and then I can ask myself, why did it hurt so much? Haha I guess it opens me up to more self-reflection? Which I guess is never a bad thing!  

 

E: I think that I’m resilient. I have had a fair amount of trouble but I’ve always managed to keep it together and carry on going forward. It’s been a hell of a ride at times especially in the past few years, but I guess that’s what comes with being alive.

 

What have you been taking for granted lately? 

E:  I realised yesterday actually that I’ve been taking for granted the time I get to spend with my family during quarantine. I took it as a normal thing, but now I realise how good of a time it has been! it’s great to be together since it doesn’t happen very often! We’re usually all in different countries or different parts of the same country, so it’s so nice to be together 24/7!

 

J: Oh for sure! I think I’ve definitely also been taking my family for granted. I think it's because being home I immediately feel comfortable to go about with my day and forget that it’s such a good time for spending time with each other and becoming even closer. It’s also made me realize that I take my friends who live in Dubai for granted. When I’m living my life in Amsterdam I think I can easily forget to put that extra effort into the relationships with them because I know I can always see them when we’re home, but now being home and I can’t see them I notice how important those friendships are to me. 

 

Is there a feeling you miss? 

E: I miss the innocence I had when I was younger. I guess that’s a feeling that pretty much everyone has - the innocence of being completely unaware of what is going on in the world and living in a perfect bubble that is childhood. It sounds pretty depressing but at the same time it reminds me how good of a childhood I’ve had and that it’s just me being nostalgic. A pretty common feeling I suppose ! 

 

J: This is more a sign of the times, but I miss the feeling of like a date to look forward to. Like you know when you have like a flight to look forward to or like a concert or simple things like even class, okay… maybe not class. Maybe it's cause I just missed Harry Styles’ concert it feels like this, it hits too close. But also I guess now when the time comes I’ll appreciate them even more. 

 

What’s your favorite song lyric you can think of off the top of your head? 

J: For me, it’s from the song Wish You Were Here by Pink Floyd “we’re just two lost souls swimming in a fishbowl, year after year” 

 

E:  Right now, the one lyric that pops into my head is from the song Walk on The Wild Side by Lou Reed “I said, hey honey, take a walk on the wild side”. It always gets me so excited for the future! 

 

I feel loved when ____. 

J: It’s the little things! When people remember like tiny little things or habits of yours. Like my friend got me a toothbrush for my birthday last year, and I don’t think I’ll ever forget it. I know it sounds so stupid out of context haha. I have like a weird thing with toothbrushes… like I collect them kind of. I don’t know why I’m admitting this. 

 

E:  I’d also say that it’s just the simplest things in life that make me feel loved. I love having a laugh with my loved ones. And most times, I take a break and think to myself how lucky I am to have them in my life.. Almost like in movies, when the scene turns into slo-mo and a voice-over narrator explains how much they realised they love that person - that’s me in my head all the time !!! 

 

What was your first impression of each other? 

E: The first time I met Jessie was at our first reporter committee meeting. And although we didn’t get to speak to each other on a personal level, I instantly liked her. There was something about Jessie that felt like home, and we instantly clicked (unless that’s my side of the story haha). It’s at that same meeting that we decided to work together on Humans off-screen even though we literally didn’t know each other ! So I’m guessing we both made a good first impression on each other ;)  What about your first impression of me Jessie ? I’m very curious now ahah 

 

J: haha I actually instantly liked you too! In the meeting, I noticed that you were really kind and had a positive vibe to you so I knew I would enjoy doing Humans Off-Screen with you, and not just work together, I knew we could be friends too. I think for me when I really realized we click so well is when we filmed the first Humans Off-Screen episode. After filming we sat and chatted and drank tea and I could so easily open up to you and it felt comfortable. 

 

Something that brought a smile to my face this week was ____. 

J: This happened today actually! I was talking to my cousin and he told me I would be a liability in a zombie apocalypse. The conversation was just really funny to me because I genuinely got so offended he thought that. 

 

E:  My best friend came to see me (at my gate). We hadn’t seen each other in ages because of the lockdown currently going on in France. But earlier this week, whilst she went grocery shopping for her family she decided to drop by my house, we chatted and laughed for hours on end, it was lovely. 

 

Self-love is ___.

E: Self-love is fully accepting who you are as a person. Accepting the fact that you will have both positive and negative traits. I really care about this topic because I’ve seen a lot of my friends going down a vicious path of self hatred - whether it was because of their physical appearance or because of a lack of confidence in other areas ….

At the end of the day, you are your own best friend - the only one you will have to live with your whole life, from beginning to end. So, there’s no point in obsessing over details. And it’s about time we all learn how to love ourselves, it’s so important for a healthy mind !

 

J: I think self-love is doing things or making choices that you know will be best for you in the long-run, putting yourself first when it matters. Friendships for example, if you feel like you’re in this friendship and you’re not treated right or the way you deserve to be treated then it's okay to tell the other person that you deserve more. If they are worth it, they won’t hold it against you and if they do then honestly their true colors are shown and it’s not in your best interest to be in a friendship where you’re not heard. 

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When was the last time you were able to use your pain to help someone else? 

J: I’ve used my experience with my mental health and anxiety to help someone I noticed was struggling. I have this tendency to hide when I’m struggling with my mental health, especially anxiety, because in my past honestly, it felt like some people wouldn’t believe me if I said anything because I didn’t “look like I was struggling” – which whenever I think about makes me mad because what does someone who is struggling look like? I remember hiding every time I was having a panic attack and it started to get in the way of life. And I noticed this behavior in this person and I spoke to them about my experiences and I wanted to make them feel heard, I didn’t try to push them to tell me their story because that’s up to them if they feel comfortable, but I shared the methods I use to help me and I wanted them to understand that how they feel is nothing to be ashamed about.

 

E:  I wouldn’t know when the last time was but I definitely have used my pain to understand people. I’ve struggled a great deal with anxiety in the past, and I think it will never leave me really. It’s been an intense experience because I’ve had severe panic attacks and sometimes they would happen on multiple occasions in a day. My friends and family say I’m a good listener, I think it’s because I’ve experienced a lot of pain myself so I can relate to people’s pain (most times). I don’t think I was that good at listening to people and being empathetic prior to experiencing something as strong as this, so it’s definitely taught me how to listen to people and help them. 

 

What about yourself is hardest to admit?

J: I’m so bad at expressing how I feel. So bad. I don’t really stand up for myself because I actually just don’t know how to express to the other person how they made me feel, instead I pretend that I just don’t care enough. Which sucks cause I do care, I’m actually a very sensitive person, which I think is obvious to people who know me. It’s such a bad habit of mine. 

 

E:  I would say I have pretty much the same problem! I’m quite proud so I hate to admit something’s hurt me or annoyed me. I also hate crying in front of people or expressing the fact that I’m hurting. 

Thinking about it now, it might be more to do with the fact that I like my privacy rather than being proud - but it could also very well be a mix of both. 
 

How are you, really? 

E:  I’m good, stressed overall but still good ! I think that everything is going to turn out well. I’m a pretty firm believer that everything happens for a reason. So, I’m confident in what the future will bring and am very much excited to see where life is going to take me next !

Quarantine is a good opportunity to think about the future and to plan ahead, it’s given me time to prepare for next year but also time to reflect on myself and my feelings. 

 

J: Overall, I’m good! I think that quarantine has had its ups and downs definitely, and it made me have to face a lot of inner feelings which I normally bottle up or put in the back of my mind whilst I focus on other things. But I needed to confront those feelings because it helped me get into a better place mentally. Now I’m just doing little things that make me happy and spending time with family.