Jasper Koopmans 101 - Party as Jasper

November 4, 2016

 

It’s a long asked question and the answer is finally here: How do you celebrate an Off-Screen party as Jasper Koopmans? I will guide you through all of the steps so we’ll all be enjoying ourselves as much as I did on the The Next Level party. An important note: Find yourself at least one friend (let’s name this fictional friend Lorentz) that will follow all the steps alongside you!

  1. Do not wake up before noon. If you do, you’ll fail miserably, because believe me, we have a tough program ahead!

  2. Get lunch (or actually breakfast) in a fast-food chain of your own choice.

  3. Buy your outfit on the last day. My idea: Green helium balloons so I’ll look like a Sims character. Perfect! I literally saw them vanishing in the air within five seconds, but I’ve tried, right?

  4. For me this is definitely the most important step: Buy one liter of vodka. It is now 4.39 PM and time for your first glass of alcohol.

  5. Since you (and Lorentz) have started on your one liter vodka journey, you’ll be more than slightly tipsy around 6PM. Now Lorentz will get useful, because (you may not know this) Lorentz has a hidden gambling addiction. At first he’ll lose some money, but because of his tipsiness (and mostly craziness) he’ll bett greater and greater amounts of money till he makes a profit. Congrats! Now you have free dinner!

  6. Drink a lot more. When you are around halfway your vodka, outfits magically start to mingle with your body and the problem of not having an outfit solves itself. You now look amazing (7.15PM).

  7. From this moment on the night starts to get blurry, but if you’re not afraid to make a fool out of yourself it will make for great stories.

  8. Other people will now join you for pre drinks, but an hour in you magically disappear (not before you’ve finished your vodka of course). Luckily I could fill in some of the gaps by reconstructing the events.

  9. So it appears you disappeared to meet up with another friend, let’s name her Fee. While waiting for her on the train station you let every passerby into your party happiness by giving them high fives. Next eat a bit at Burger King. Then leave for the party on Fee’s bike, leaving her alone (no worries, she makes it eventually).

  10. It will be around 10PM when you arrive at the party, alone, and another miracle: without an outfit (at least you have the photo as proof). “Well”, you probably think by yourself, “since I’m one of the first to arrive at the party, let’s hit on the ladies toilet.” And that’s what you do for the following hour.

  11. For the rest of the party you do what every Off-Screener does. Strip occasionally and put your sweaty clothes in other people’s faces, stick your tongue in a couple of mouths and mostly dance like a maniac. You may not remember a thing, but you know you had a good time.

  12. The party may have ended, but it’s not over yet. Find yourself an after party, party till 9AM, because if you party as Jasper Koopmans, you will definitely reach the next level.

Based on a real story

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